


I Am

by ksvfanfic



Series: ScarletVision Extras [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Deep Conversations, F/M, POV Third Person, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Vision Questions His Personhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-01 14:18:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksvfanfic/pseuds/ksvfanfic
Summary: One rainy afternoon, as he sits with Wanda in her room, Vision questions his identity.*A short, canon compliant fanfic that fits into chapter 27 ofCastle of Memories.*





	I Am

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnontheNullifier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnontheNullifier/gifts).



> This fanfic is a gift for Gillian, as a part of the Scarlet Vision Exchange 2018, which is run by thescarletvisionnetwork on Tumblr. I also dedicate this gift to Kat, a.k.a. AnontheNullifier. I hope you enjoy it!

One rainy afternoon in late September, Wanda Maximoff sits on the floor of her room playing guitar. Vision stands a few feet away, gazing at the trees outside the window. They've both finished their training for the day, and a little while after Wanda finished showering, Vision wandered into the room. Neither of them has spoken. The only sound in the air is the gentle melody of the guitar accompanied by the percussion of the rain.

Wanda comes to the end of her lullaby and lets the music fade into nothingness. Still holding the guitar in her lap, she looks over at Vision. A faint smile starts up on her lips. Here, in the quiet safety of her room, protected from the rain outside and with her closest friend nearby, she's at peace. The feeling soaks through her bones and into her heart, comforting her in a deep and all-abiding way that she never knew before joining the Avengers.

As she watches Vision, she lets her gaze drift over his entire form: his feet, his legs, his chest, his shoulders, lingering at last on his face. She knows that face now almost better than she knows her own. All the places where silvery-blue vibranium fades into burgundy skin, the way that the mechanical parts of his eye spin and shudder, the tics of every muscle around his eyes and lips. As she takes those details in now, her peace transforms into worry. There's a slight frown on Vision's face, visible only in the movements of those small muscles and in the stillness of his body.

"Vizh," she says, and he starts, turning to blink at her. He steps back from the window.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I was thinking."

Wanda tilts her head to the right. "About what?"

Vision shakes his head. "Nothing important."

"Don't—" She stops. Raising the guitar off her lap, she unfolds her legs so she can get to her feet. "I can see that something's bothering you," she says. "Tell me." The last sentence is more of a plea than an order, but she maintains eye contact to give it weight.

Vision hesitates, glancing back at the window before turning to give her a slight smile. "I was thinking about... identity, I suppose."

Wanda goes to put her guitar on its stand and then backs up to her bed. She sits on the end, patting the space beside her. "What about it?"

With a grateful squint around the edges of his eyes, Vision moves to sit there. "All the reporters we've talked to, and the way the media has been talking about us, it's... caused me to question some things." Catching Wanda's inquiring look, he says, "I always thought, from the moment I came into being, that I was a... unique individual. A person in my own right. Now I wonder..."

"What?"

Vision shakes his head again. "It's hard to put into words."

Wanda smiles. "I know that feeling."

Vision smiles back. "I'm sure that you do." He falls silent for a moment, his mouth slightly open and his eyes moving from side to side as he thinks. Wanda can hear the hum of his mind as it moves steadily towards the words he needs. "I wonder if I'm truly... real, I suppose. If I'm really _me_. When I first spoke to you and the others, I denied being Ultron or JARVIS. I said that I was simply myself."

"'I am,'" Wanda quotes. Vision glances at her, startled, and then his eyes light with recognition.

"Yes," he says. "You remember."

Wanda nods.

"But I've realized... I don't truly know what it _means_ to be. I know that the experience of living, as I do now, is different from the experiences stored in my memory. That, when the consciousnesses of JARVIS and Ultron and the Mind Gem were outside this body, they 'saw' things differently and couldn't feel the way that I do." As Vision talks, Wanda smiles slightly at the familiar way he moves his hands while speaking. "But I don't know what other people experience, being individuals. I don't know how their identity forms or what makes them unique. It's possible that I..." He hesitates, his hands freezing in midair as he stops to think. "...that I am only pieces. That I am just JARVIS _and_ Ultron _and_ the Mind Gem, all living together in the same body, and not... someone new. Vision." He smiles at Wanda, a brief flash of white teeth. "I suppose the appropriate phrase would be 'greater than the sum of my parts.' I don't know if I am that."

Wanda tilts her head. "Do you feel like you're in pieces?"

"At times, I feel... conflicted," Vision says. "As though the different aspects of myself were at odds, one pulling this way, one another. I struggle to know what action to take or even what to think."

Wanda smiles, sitting up straighter. "Well, everyone feels like that sometimes."

"Indeed?" Vision turns to her, his eyes bright.

Wanda nods. "And everyone wonders about who they are and what makes them _them_. If it's all biology or if they have a soul or if they are really only a bunch of habits learned from the people around them." She shakes her head. "It is not an easy question to answer. Even as a mind-reader, I don't have the answers. I think of us as having souls, but all I can really say is that we _are_. In many different ways and from many different sources. It is all us."

Vision thinks about that for a moment. "I'm glad I'm not alone in that. Still, it..." He shakes his head. "It bothers me. I am not like other people, and that makes it all the more important that I know whether I am... just fractured computer programs with a great deal of power, or whether I am truly a unified consciousness."

"Do you want me to look?" Wanda raises her hands towards his head, pausing a few inches away.

He turns his head towards her so fast it makes her jump, reaching out to take her wrists in his hands. Though he's clearly eager, his touch is gentle. "Yes, please."

Smiling, Wanda tucks her legs underneath herself so that she's kneeling on the bed. She lets Vision guide her hands to the sides of his head. It's hardly necessary—after all the nights they've spent with their minds connected so that Vision could temper her bad dreams, she can enter his consciousness with little effort. It's almost as easy as breathing. Still, the closeness amplifies the effect, while her hands help guide her powers, and she knows that Vision wants her to look as deep and thoroughly as possible.

She lets the power spark under her fingertips as she reaches her thoughts out to his. As always, he welcomes her in, his mind enfolding hers softly and securely. Instead of letting her thoughts rest where they have fallen, as she does each night, Wanda pushes out and explores. She expands herself into every niche, every sparking wire, every thrumming beat. It's all familiar to her: the flat memories of JARVIS and Ultron, the infinite and unknowable expanse of the Mind Gem, the strength and heat of Vision's body, the fast-paced yet serene movement of his thoughts, the soft and beautiful aching of his emotions. From inside Vision's mind, Wanda could reach out even further, into the kinetic flow of the Internet or the greater knowledge of the universe that the Mind Gem seems to promise, but all that would do is get Wanda hopelessly lost somewhere she doesn't need to be. She's accomplished her purpose.

She pulls her hands back, out of Vision's grasp, and gives him a soft smile as their consciousnesses separate. His eyes are wide, the irises spinning faster than usual.

"Just as I thought," she says. "I just feel you."

Vision sighs, and his entire body relaxes. When the temptation to reach out again and brush her hand across his cheek strikes, Wanda doesn't even bother resisting it.

"You're you, Vision," she says softly, his skin warm beneath her fingertips. "The same you that has been there since you left the Cradle. The same you that has been with me every night since I told you that you could stop my nightmares. You are."

Vision smiles, a gentle uptick of his lips, and they gaze at each other for a moment. Then Wanda ducks her head, letting her hand fall back into her lap.

"When Pietro died," she says, "I lost part of myself. I lost the person I was when he was there. But also, it felt like... He and I were not the same person, of course, but we were connected in so many ways. I could always feel his consciousness next to mine, always, like a part of my mind, and when it went dark, I..." She chokes on her words, tears filling her eyes, and has to stop and swallow. She shakes her head and looks up at Vision. "Sometimes it feels like there's a wall I can't get past, that if I could just break through it, I could feel him. But no matter what I do, I can't get past it. Other times, it's like a big black hole trying to pull me into the place where he was. I have to fight my grief for him all the time, to keep from falling in, because if I do, I don't think I'll ever come back."

Vision reaches out and takes her hand in both of his. "You would come back."

Wanda blinks at him. "How do you know?" she asks in a small voice.

"I know."

When Wanda glares at him, frustrated that he's refusing to explain further, Vision laughs. "I may not read minds the way you do," he says, "but I share your dreams every night. I know you, Wanda." Though it's never affected her before, the sound of her name on his lips makes her shiver this time. It's something in the way he speaks it, soft and reverent like a prayer. "You're resilient. I doubt there's anything you couldn't come back from."

Both pleased and embarrassed, Wanda bites her lip. "My point is that I'm still trying to figure out who I am, without my brother. And you're trying to figure out who you are, because you are still new to the world. We fit." She wraps her fingers around the hand that's under her palm and squeezes. "So don't worry about the reporters. Just be yourself, in all the different ways you are."

Vision squeezes back. The smile has left his lips, though he gazes intently into her eyes. "Thank you," he murmurs.

"Thank you." She shrugs one shoulder. "For what you said about me."

After another brief silence interrupted only by the rain, Wanda pulls her hand out of his, shifting into a cross-legged position. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and of course, all comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Thanks also to Jordan (ben-solo-needs-a-timeout on Tumblr) for beta-ing this story!


End file.
